Yesterday was magical and fun. The kids got to just be kids. Even Robert and I got to be kids. We played and we ate sweets. We told jokes.
Life felt simple. There was no stress or chaos from the outside. We were able to just be in the moment as a family. We were adventurers and explorers.
We were superheros and mermaids. We were track stars and zombies. We laughed with each other and loved on each other. Even my own head did not get in my way.
I am such a typical woman. I have spent time watching my family vacation from the sidelines for fear of having to be in a bathing suit. Even times when I was at my thinnest, I had a moment of panic as I removed my swim cover.
I would adjust my towel on my beach chair and try to suck in at the same time. I would refuse pictures. I missed moments because I missed my pre-mama body.
Yesterday I just played. I wore what was comfortable. I didn’t care what roll might be visible or what stretch mark may show up in my photos. The thing is, I have a tiny torso and I carried a HUGE baby in that tiny torso. That huge baby did a number on my tiny torso. He also did a number on my heart.
I had a c-section and a scar to prove it. I have a sweet step-daughter that insists that I participate in family ice cream on the pier and I have two boys that feed me cheezits like they do the seagulls.
In my prime, I was a smoke show. There are plenty of pictures to prove it, but my life was not nearly as full or fun as it is now. That chapter has been fulfilled and I’ll be damned if my other chapters are hindered by my own attachment to the previous one! (It really was not that great).
I go to the gym. I eat healthy. I take vitamins. I rarely eat out. I know what is going into my body and the bodies of my family. This version of me is not inferior. This version of me is strong.
Mama may opt for a tankini some beach days and Mama may grab a string bikini on another. If Mama needs to wear a wetsuit in order to participate in the childhoods happening around her, then this woman will be suiting up. I will wear something comfortable and get out there and be WITH my family. My insecurities and my ego will not stop me from being involved or present.
Yesterday I watched the kids become joyful and surprised at some of the moments we shared and the commitment I made and kept to being there every step of the way. My husband wanted pictures to document it. That brought things into perspective. It nearly made me cry.
Sure, I have toughed it out before on the beach. I’m not sure I have ever quite played in a swimsuit like yesterday though. I don’t want my family to be wowed by the fact that I got in a bathing suit or in the water. I want my family to be impressed by my Ariel impersonation or how fast I can chase them!
God has given me so many blessings. I have a yard full of children and a husband to share my life with. I have a body that can do incredible things and that is healthy and amazing. I have a body that gave me a son and a body that can snuggle the other children in my home. I have a life worth waking up for and so much to look forward to.
I want to make the most of the time God has given me. I do not want to waste another second. I want Him to be so pleased the day I finally meet Him face to face. I want Him to know I was grateful and I never stopped showing up fo His amazing gift.
So, today, I will put that swimsuit back on and play.
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will–to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
Tag, Mama, you’re it!