Heartbreak and Silver Linings

We have had some of the hardest few months. It was easy to be bitter and angry or to feel defeated. There were days when our hearts were ripped completely out of our chests and days I just didn’t want to get out of bed.

We had so many awful lies told about our family. We had a bully manipulate systems and even do-gooders to hurt our family. Our family was even split apart.

What if I told you that sweet, little, Christian-Mommy-Blogger-Stephanie has said about 1000 f-words in the last 60 days? What if I admitted that I have had to pray for the willingness to forgive someone who will never get honest or apologize?

I am so not perfect and when people accuse me of things that I did not do, I get upset. When people hurt children in the process, I want to get vengeful. Again, I am so not a perfect Christian.

I’ve had a whirl of heartache, embarrassment, pain, and fear ripping through my head like a tornado. It had the power to destroy anything. Any thought, any sentence always led me back to this area of my life. It consumed me.

I finally was able to look at the situation for what it was. The person who was hurting my family was doing what they have always done. This was not a new behavior. This was not out of the ordinary. This was so second nature to them that it had become their only capability. I was not unique, this is how they treated everyone. I just had to have acceptance.

There was no job I could get this person, no pep talk, no hand out, no child care, no transportation, nothing that would change a thing. Trust me, I tried. All I could do was pray.

I love when I say things like this. “All I could do” as if my ways of helping or even trying to contain a destructive fire were somehow more effective than God’s ability to heal or put the fire out completely. Prayer should never be a last resort!

I have had many days before now where I throw myself a pity party about the amount of housework I do as a working mother. I complain about working all day only to come to dishes and laundry and hungry bellies. There are never enough hours in a day! This is especially true if my husband has had the day off.

I can build up resentment and by 7pm I am exhausted. I prayed that during this difficult time that God would allow my heart to see joy and positivity. I didn’t want to disappear into the quicksand of this attack on my family.

Suddenly, I began to notice a teenager curl up beside me before bed and allow me to stroke her hair. This girl normally walks in the door only to hurl her book bag like an olympian and slam her bedroom door behind her.

I saw my younger step-daughter and son become playmates. They have always played, but when the boys are together, everyone else just kind of disappears. I cannot even count the number of “I love you, Sadie’s” I have overheard the last two months.

My husband baked. He didn’t just bake, he got inventive and made his exhausted wife a mountain of keto-approved pastries. He even helped me re-do kid’s rooms and held me as I passed out on him well before our adult-tv hour.

I have never been more impressed and more in love with my family. We took the one thing meant to destroy us and tied it around our family like a climbing rope. We started up the biggest mountain that we had ever seen. We found out just how much we meant to each other.

There is this saying about people accusing you of what they are actually guilty of. I was accused of doing the unthinkable and my sweet husband was accused of trying to cover it up. It was the most putrid, repulsive lie anyone could have created. Unfortunately, it was also their own truth. My heart breaks for those children. I am not that woman and my husband is without a doubt not that man. Thanks be to God!

Good conquered evil. Light overcame darkness! Our family reaped the rewards of doing the next right thing. But that is not the moral of this story. This happy, justified ending is not even my point.

God opened my eyes to the beauty of His divine plan unraveling. In depressing darkness, He allowed my heart to feel gratitude and even joy. He gave me the strength to get out of bed and to be a mother and wife. God allowed the silver linings and made certain they did not go unnoticed. Those silver linings were my reminders that God was still there. Even in that dark pit, that seemingly impossible situation, that heartbreaking challenge- GOD WAS THERE.

He was at work. He was preparing us to have more than we had before. GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!! That is my point. That is the moral of every story I will ever tell. God is so good. All the time.

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

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