When my family doesn’t go to church, I like to watch sermons from home. I was watching a sermon on marriage by Jimmy Evans last Sunday (my 1st Wedding anniversary). He said that God designed marriage to kill you. I nearly spit out my coffee. I thought that was hysterical.
Evans went on to say that marriage is designed to kill your “self”, or selfishness. It was created to kill the YOU in the relationship. He added that two servants make the most successful marriage.
I thought a lot about that all day. There is more self in my marriage than I would like to admit in any argument with my groom. I get frustrated because I want a break or I want to rest or I don’t want to do this or that. Even when I feel I am venting and saying that I know best, he may not hear the part about, “This frustration is not your shortcoming.”
In the past year, I can see how both of us have been molded. We are developing different approaches and different attitudes to the “not-so-fun” times. My husband is a better listener than he was a year ago. He has gotten groceries, picked up kids, or scheduled time for us. A year ago, I don’t think these things would’ve crossed his mind!
I keep score less than I did a year ago. I try not to make my husband feel like he doesn’t do enough. I try harder to make sure that I’m there when he just needs his wife to be on his arm, even when I really don’t want to go. Hopefully, I’ll be less vocal about not wanting to go a year from now!
My point is that our marriage is actually happier now than I feel it was as even newer newly weds. My service to my husband is crushing my selfish spirit day by day. His service to me is developing me into the woman I want to be. I believe his love will allow me to actualize my own dreams.
My husband is not an avid reader, but the second I write something, it’s like he has been part of Oprah’s book club for years! He is flipping pages or scrolling through screens. He not only celebrates it, he is a willing participant. (Note: His favorite posts are about him!!)
By supporting my husband, he is reaching goals and is motivated. He is doing the things he put off or did not think he could accomplish. By building him up, he is more confident of his abilities as a husband, as a father, and as a man in the world. By managing details, plans, deadlines, and things at home, I am giving my husband time to develop a business and a vision.
They say that marriage will kill you. My hope is that they are right.
1 John 3:18
My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.