Some days I wake up tired. I feel drained. I think I am completely incapable of facing the day’s challenges and responsibilities. I have mornings when my heart just knows that I am not going to make an impact on anything or anyone.
On days like this I think of Balaam’s donkey. Yes, a donkey. God used a donkey, so He can use me. Pretty fitting since so often I feel like the other name for that animal.
The angel of the Lord asked him, “Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If it had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared it.”
Balaam said to the angel of the Lord, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.”
Joyce Meyers has a great view on self-doubt. She says to remember the who and the I do. I just have to recall who God is and let my actions follow. It also means that my shortcomings or poor reactions do not change who He is. My inferiority, my weakness, my limits are never greater than His abilities and abounding greatness. Max Lucado says, “God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.”
I have often worried about being a good wife and mother. Will I be enough? Will I be any good at all? God has equipped us with everything we need to do right in the roles He places us in.
There have been times when I have prayed for something and then been terrified after God answered my prayer. Will I make the most of it? I believe that God never gives us blessings, if He doesn’t think we can handle the burdens that may belong to them. He created us to be ready.
How can a lily grow as a rose if God didn’t give it that seed? God makes us to produce what He planted in us to produce. He uses who we are to serve His purpose and gives us the ability to be righteous. Maybe spiritual maturity isn’t just about church attendance and how many scriptures you can recite. It might be about what you do…what right thing you do. But it takes practice. If I really want to be good at something, practice is a no-brainer.
God creates the perfect environment to cultivate our growth. It’s a masterful blend of sunshine and rain. Too much of either would end us, but we need both to reach our potential. The hard times, the sad times, the great times all reveal new ways to practice doing what is right in His eyes in the roles He placed us in.
It is so easy for me to say I am worried about my own ability and then say God can do all things in the same breath. My confidence never has to be in me alone. God gave me the skills I need. He gave me the right seeds.
My fiance and I have been attending pre-marital counseling with our pastor. It has really challenged us to view marriage as a covenant and not as a contract. We have discovered biblical truths about marriage.
Thinking of reaching that high bar of loving my spouse like Jesus loves me honestly feels intimidating and trust me, I really love the guy! Being told that our marriage should reveal God’s love to others feels like a lot of hard work!
When I have days that are hard with the two high-energy, headstrong boys I wonder if I am even gaining any ground. When the teenager is being a teenager or the 7 year old is sassy, I feel unsure of how to respond.
The unsure times, the intimidating moments, the seemingly impossible didn’t seem to hinder God from placing me in a parental role or making me someone’s future wife. He knew that no one could love them the way I could. He knew that they would bring so much purpose and joy to my life.
That truth doesn’t make me feel any less clueless. He gave me seeds, not flashcards. I can at least, on MOST days, walk into those roles with confidence in my ability to do the right things. The ability God gave me.
I will fall short sometimes. I will look like a fool some days. I may even stop being willing to practice for a few hours, but the ability and the seeds are there all the same.
Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.
The seeds are there. Your placement is present. What are you going to do with it?