Expiring

I have held a position for some years now. It has been the position I have been the most grateful for. I glow when I talk about the work I have completed  in this role. I will tell anyone who will listen all about my job.

I have taken a lot of pride in my title of Single Mother. There have been changes and challenges and I have had to figure a lot of things out the hard way. I have had to take full responsibility and, therefore, had to be mindful about all of my choices. It is something I have taken very seriously. The reward and satisfaction have been immeasurable.

My position is getting ready to expire in every sense of the word. I have seen it slowly slipping away. I know this may sound crazy, but I have identified as a single mom so wholeheartedly that it is a little strange to think of being anything else.

When my fiance and I had our first “kid outing” I was unsure of how to feel. I worried about them all getting along or if my toddler was going to have a good day or bad day in public. What if I was judged as a parent? What if my son didn’t like my boyfriend?

A pizza dinner with all the kids was nothing short of chaos. There was climbing and whining and giggling and a lot of noise! My son had to potty and suddenly here was this other adult insisting on taking him to the men’s room. I felt so odd, a mix of guilt and surprise. It was hard to let my fiance do things for my son because that was MY job. I didn’t know how to share it. Some days, I still don’t.

As “his kids” and “my kid” started to become “our kids” and as the six of us became an actual family, I started to realize the beauty in these other roles. I was someone’s mommy and someone’s Stephanie.

In just over a month, my legally singleness will be gone forever. That means no more single anything. It is not just this wedding we have planned coming to life that makes this all surreal. It is what I won’t be anymore. I get to simply be Mom.

I have watched my son become a thread in the fabric of my fiance’s family.  I have never seen him more drawn to “new” people. My son and I were not only accepted and cared for by my partner’s kids, we lucked into one of the greatest families I have ever met (other than mine!). My family has grown in so many ways. I never saw any of this coming.

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I have watched my child choose to hold my future husband’s hand in a parking lot over mine. I have heard him ask his “Wabird” for milk instead of asking me. He has even given my man the first goodnight kiss!

I have been the one asked for advice by his girls. His son has begged ME to sit on the couch and watch TV. I have been the secret keeper. I have been the chosen fellow adventurer.

When I see my parents cheering all the kids on at games, my youngest step-daughter diving into my dad’s arms, my nephew loving all his cousins, or my mom calling my fiance with news before she even calls me, I am reminded that we all belong to each other now.

I am sincerely blown away by how different this love has made everything it has touched. The official expiration of my former title will be welcomed with open arms.

John 15:12

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

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